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A letter to my 15yr old self

Updated: Sep 24, 2021

Photo credit: katey_middle

It’s ok.

You will be ok.

I know life isn’t rosy at the moment and I know that you’re crying yourself to sleep most nights, but you will get through this. It’s going to get tougher – the next 12 months will be the hardest that you have ever experienced. You will mentally go down a black hole and you will scare yourself with the thoughts that enter your mind. You will not be kind to your body, or your mind. You will suffer.

But you come out the other end.

Life will not be as you expect it. Dreams are shattered but new ones are developed, and you experience true happiness.

There will be a point in the future when you look back at your life and you are grateful for everything you have and everything you have been through. You will be a stronger person for it, and you will thrive, not survive.

There are some important things that you need to remember:

1. The bad days will pass. You will get out of the situation you’re in and you will one day have a place of your own where you can relax and feel comfortable rather than the toxic environment you’re currently in. It won’t be easy, and you will move A LOT. You will move 6 times in 6 months and even live in your car, but you become resilient for it. You will have a beautiful home that is comforting and safe.

2. Your body will change – daily! Your body will get you through some pretty tough adventures – it will carry you up and over mountains, it will run 100miles through the bush and it will repair and heal. You will stop abusing it with heavy alcohol and you will learn to be healthy – better to start that sooner rather than later. Don’t diet. You will waste money on stupid diets, and you will stress out that you don’t look like the girls in the magazines. Trust me – no one looks like them! It’s all fake. Your body will achieve amazing things so be kind to it. Feed it, nourish it and love it.

3. Don’t spend all your money at once. You will experience nights of cheap pasta meals because you have to pay rent instead of buy food. You will spend your money on clothes that you never wear, products you never use and crap that goes in the bin. Think about where your money goes and save for a rainy day. That rainy day will come, and you will need it.

4. Ignore the haters. You already have them, and they only get worse. People will hate you because you achieve, people will hate you because of how you look, and people will hate you for no reason – even your own family members. They are not worth your time or energy and you will go on to achieve some incredible things regardless of the haters. Don’t spend time with people that are not a positive influence in your life. Don’t bother with excuses either – you do that for far too long. You can just say no – you don’t need to make up an excuse.

5. You will find love. You might feel very unloved at the moment. You struggle to even maintain friendships because of the dark hole you’re travelling through. You make some beautiful friends along your journey however and you find love when you least expect it. You will be loved and cared for. You will have support and comfort. Don’t fight it and don’t forget to love back in return.

6. Don’t be scared. You are your own person, and you will walk your own path – you will not ‘turn into anyone’ except yourself. You will be scared of opening up your heart; you will be scared of being honest. Just do it. Sometimes it will hurt, but you learn from it and you grow from it. You have some amazing experiences when you stop being afraid.

7. Find Joy. You will lose people you love. You will experience death in all its forms, and it will remind you that it’s the little things that are important. Don’t stress too much about the big stuff but enjoy the little stuff. Morning walks, hot coffee (although you currently hate coffee – you will eventually love it!), good food, dogs, sunshine, laughs with girlfriends, cuddles with your man. This will be the joy in every day – make sure you look for it and make sure you savour it.

8. Never lose your love of adventure. This is in your blood and you relish the thrill of something new and exciting. You will have some amazing adventures, travel the world and experience epic events. Never lose that love for adventure and find it in everything that you do.

9. You are number 1. No man or friend or colleague should ever let you think otherwise. Your feelings, your health, your mindset is all number 1. Don’t let anyone try and change that. If a man doesn’t respect that - leave. You will experience it and you will doubt yourself but always always put yourself first.

10. Share your story. What you are going through now hurts and next year will be your toughest year - you have support around you only if you share your story. Stop hiding it – start talking. Tell your friends you’re hurting and stop putting on a ‘brave face’. Reach out to people because they will love you and support you. You will go on to be open and brave and share your story with the world – Start now with your friends. Talk about it. It’s ok not to be ok.

And most of all – Love yourself.

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Feb 18, 2021

Beautiful read Jaq x

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